June 2011
38 posts
3 tags
3 tags
3 tags
2 tags
"Conversation" at bus stop this morning
Beard Guy: Lovely day, isn't it?
Me: Mmm.
BG: At least it's not snowing!!!!!!!
Me: That would be...weird...for June.
BG: It's crazy in Minnesota!
Me: Ahh yep.
BG: I tell ya, Minnesota is the only state I've been in where it's sunny and rainy at the same time!!!
Me: *inward-doubting*
BG: One time I sat on one side of the street and it was sunny and on the other side of the street I could see the rain coming down like cow piss on a flat rock!!!!!!
ME: *wondering, 'Is that a thing?'*
BG: Yeah and I been to all the states except Alaska and Hawaii. I've even been to Canada. I TRIED to go to Mexico but then the Swine Flu broke out and I was like 'uh UH!'
Me:
BG: And if you think the weather is crazy now - my dad tells me stories about slow-moving storms...slow-moving winter storms...where he would just be WALKING and he'd literally race the storm home. One half of the street was blue and one half was white. You'd step in and out of whiteout conditions - couldn't see fucking NOTHING.
Me: *what is it with this guy and weather on two halves of streets?*
BG: And then my girlfriend has got some stories about crazy weather too...
Me: * "girlfriend" *
Then the bus came.
Then he left me alone.
Then he "called" his "girlfriend" on the bus and had a fake conversation with her. "Hi, it's me. I just landed. I mean, I'm on a bus. Yeah. I saw a girl who looked just like you here. Also really beautiful, but with red hair instead. YEAH I KNOW."
3 tags
"See and ppl be thinkin I'm crazy when I say... →
“Meanwhile, another viewer who seemed to be convinced by the video said, ‘Why is so difficult to all those people believe in UFOs images and videos like this? Almost 2 billion people believe in god and Jesus that never saw.. Its confuse.’”
No really, though. This is pretty good video, as far as UFOs go.
3 tags
I Have More Feelings About Text Messages →
It will never stop, so long as phones keep texting and we don’t all just send our actual feelings through telephones. Mood-telephones. Could that be a thing???
4 tags
Bachmann boasts of having a 'titanium spine' →
“‘I have a titanium spine for doing what we need to do’ to get the country turned around, Bachmann told Fox…” - CNN, 6/27/2011
Is Michele Bachmann a Transformer or just a Mad Libs enthusiast?
Other phrases for the 2012 campaign trail!
I have crazy eyeballs for seeing the environment and being like, “looks fine to me!”
I have secretive eyelashes for...
4 tags
4 tags
4 tags
Ghosts. →
Sometimes I do things like take a sick day from work (haha, “work”…it’s an internship) because I do legitimately feel shitty but then realize that maybe I’m just tired and, okay, I’ll use this time to be REALLY PRODUCTIVE and catch up on graduate research and also write several chapters of a book. Maybe a YA series on sexy leprechauns, who knows. But then The...
4 tags
2 tags
Some Themed Dates I've Planned While Riding The... →
This is a strange thing I wrote for Paper Darts, a Minneapolis literary & arts magazine which you should definitely check out as soon as possible. Buy literally twenty copies of every volume here. If you don’t, I don’t even know you anymore. You are dead to me. Haha just kidding. But seriously.
3 tags
2 tags
3 tags
I Am Really Scared Of Flying, at The Awl →
Seriously. I’m not going near one of those “airplanes.” Forget about it.
4 tags
WatchJon Stewart. Tear. It. UP.
3 tags
4 tags
Talking About All The Sports, with Ball-lover Bill...
Hey-o there, listeners! It’s your buddy Ball-lover Bill here, ready to answer your questions and rebuke your declarative statements. We’re all sports fans, but I’m the only one of us who’s a sports EXPERT, so don’t you fucking forget it.
Timothy from somewhere on the East Coast called in to ask: “Do you think the basketball guys should take on that young basketball guy from a college?”
Good...
2 tags
3 tags
My new Hairpin piece, on texting! →
This is all so very close to real. Unsuspecting texting population: you have been warned.
3 tags
1 tag
3 tags
2 tags
“Like, if I could look into his brain with a camera it would be mist and haze....”
– darling friend Bri, on dumb boys.
3 tags
2 tags
spam girls love me
At first I thought I was getting pretty cool and popular because like five different people have liked various older posts of mine on here, and then I looked at them, and then I was like, “Haha, why do all these girls just have one post that is a picture of them in their underwear? Why do lingerie models like me so much? Why are these lingerie models so sad?”
:(
3 tags
Apparently I sent my editor a message last night at 1:50 am just saying “Yes”
To which he replied “Yes to what?”
To which I replied “Yes to the future”
- my friend Jay.
5 tags
3 tags
7 tags
Me Trying To Rationalize How The Angle of Anthony...
Anthony Weiner and his chief of staff, Bob, are meeting in his home office.
Bob: “You’re on MSNBC at 8 and NBC at 9:15. Lunch with one of the Pharmacy Association guys. In the afternoon you’ve got a meeting with Energy & Commerce.”
Anthony: “Great, that’s great Bob. Thanks. Listen, I’ve got a quick favor. It’s not a big deal at all, just a little tiny thing.”
Bob: “Sure! What can I...
3 tags
5 tags
WatchThis is 100% perfect. Kristen Schaal should be my cool quirky friend. We could go see plays together, really funny ones, and then afterwards I’d be like “Kristen, wasn’t that one part with the guy really funny?” and she’d be like “Yeah, I saw the play too, I remember.” And I’d be like “I’m sorry. I get so nervous when I’m around...
2 tags
Vulture asks, "Is It Time to Rethink Bradley... →
All I ever do is rethink Bradley Cooper. My brain is like, “Bradley Cooper? Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper.”
(OH and apparently he’s writing the scipt to the movie version of the sci-fi novel Hyperion? Be still my girl-geek heart.)
2 tags
Jellyfish. →
I tweeted about this yesterday (“ugh, shut up”) but this article is so so good. I didn’t even know how much I cared about jellyfish and what they’re all about until I read this!
Here are my three favorite parts:
1. “For all their noble antiquity, jellyfish have long been ignored or misunderstood by mainstream science, dismissed as so much mindless protoplasm with a...
4 tags
Who has two thumbs and is way super cooler than...
On the way to the grocery store today I saw a pickup truck with a bumper sticker that said “Road Head in Progress” and so far I haven’t been able to let it go.
I have so many questions.
1. Are you always this totally fucking badass???
2. What message do you hope that your sticker sends to law enforcement?
3. Do you even care about law enforcement, or do you live by your...
2 tags
4 tags
