July 2011
16 posts
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Text and text and text and text and break up. →
:( :( :(
More texts. More heartache.
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Maria Bamford is perfect. →
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My Awl plane article, but not really. →
So it was brought to my attention that my Awl article “How to Not Die in a Plane Crash” appears on the website above. Sort of. It’s like somebody translated the article into German and then translated it (poorly) back into English again.
It is HILARIOUS.
Some choice excerpts:
“When you’re sitting at the terminal, watch out the window for clouds. Do several of them...
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I Drove A Tank. Like, A Real One. →
Two of them actually. I also shot a machine gun (not AT anyone, obviously!!!).
And when I was there, one of the instructors was all, “so what else do you write about?” And I told him, “Uh, mostly text messages.”
He said “Oh my god. My wife sent like, 3500 last month. And her friend sent TEN THOUSAND.”
And then I wanted to hug him.
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I Have to Call IT
IT: Hi, what's your name?
Me: Katie Heaney.
IT: You're not in the system.
Me: Wellllllllllllllll.
IT: It's fine. What's going on?
Me: I can't get connected to the shared drive.
IT: OK hold on, let me get onto your screen.
...
IT: These folders here are all shared drives.
Me: But I think there's supposed to be one called "shared drive." Like the name.
IT: You think or you know?
Me: I think.
IT: Can you find out what the folder is supposed to be called?
Me: Um, ok.
...
Me: Uh, the "Z" drive.
IT: The letters can change. What's the name?
Me: "Company" ?
IT: Ooooook. I am going to go in, restart, and then you log back in. I'm putting you on hold. *hold music*
Me: *dancing to hold music*
IT: *end hold music* Uh hello? Log in. *hold music*
Me: OH RIGHT, haha, sorryyyy.
And on and on and on for 40 minutes.
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Like sexting, but much less successful. →
You guyyyyyys. Things go badly, texting-wise. Newest “Reading Between The Texts” column up todayyy.
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As Seen on TV →
Today I’m very excited to be on The Rumpus’ “Funny Women” column.
Also one other thing about today is that I’m sunburned from sitting in the car. I drove back from Chicago (where I spent my 4th) to Mpls today and though I did not get one ounce of color while away on vacation, 30 minutes under the sun in a car turned me red. On my lower arms and thighs only. HOT.
...
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