So it was brought to my attention that my Awl article “How to Not Die in a Plane Crash" appears on the website above. Sort of. It’s like somebody translated the article into German and then translated it (poorly) back into English again.
It is HILARIOUS.
Some choice excerpts:
“When you’re sitting at the terminal, watch out the window for clouds. Do several of them appear as the form of clouds that planes might get lost in? If so, call the pa. ‘Pa, there are strange-looking clouds out.’ ‘What am I presumed to do about that?’ ‘I’m just letting you know. It’s not too fine out there. Not…too…fine.’”
“Show that you’re horrified, though also indeed great and regular.”
“Does anyone appear as adverse fortune? Does any person appear as they’ve a face that you can see in a paper clipping about a plane smash? I could’t express it. You just know. Though also, it’s nearly each one.”
“When you’re taking off, think of that part in Tell Whatever Thing where Diane Court and her hat are indeed frightened, and Lloyd Dobler states most plane crashes take place before the seat belt sign goes off.”
Today I’m very excited to be on The Rumpus’ “Funny Women” column.
Also one other thing about today is that I’m sunburned from sitting in the car. I drove back from Chicago (where I spent my 4th) to Mpls today and though I did not get one ounce of color while away on vacation, 30 minutes under the sun in a car turned me red. On my lower arms and thighs only. HOT.
The other other good thing is that I bought two packs of rainbow sparklers from a Wisconsin gas station for $2, because really we should all be celebrating America with fire EVERY DAMN DAY.