Hey, I kinda liked this episode! Relatively speaking. Plus I have this weird feeling this could end up being the last one they ever air, and I feel weirdly somber about it. Don’t quote me on that, it’s just because 1) they didn’t show scenes from the next episode, 2) the next episode isn’t on until Feb. 12th, and 3) because the website description for that episode is incredibly vague: “In their individual quests for adventure, the crew juggle their lives, their loves, their hopes and dreams while flying around the world.”
We’ll see. But in the meantime, COLETTE MIGHT BE A PRINCESS.
K:Why not? Because they'd be traveling all the time?
R:No because I'd be afraid they'd die everyday!
K:OH so it's ok to be scared if your boyfriend is a pilot but I can't be afraid to ever get on a plane???
R:Well your chances of dying would be WAY higher if you were a pilot.
K:Actually the chances of dying either way are pretty slim. Rationally I know that.
R:I mean it's just like bungee jumping. You shouldn't be scared to do it once but if your boyfriend went bungee jumping EVERYDAY, you'd just feel like, one of those times, his chute is not going to open!
One time I said, yes, I would LOVE to recap Cougar Town for Vulture, and thought I might kind of hate the show and it would be fun to hate it, but then I accidentally loved it. An embarrassing amount. Sometimes I tell people, “If I could, I’d have them shrink me down so small that I could live in your blood.” They don’t usually know what I’m talking about, haha ahhhhh, but it is this. YAY! Watch it! And also the show, when it comes on!
Today is the first time I’ve eaten meat/fish in five years and two months. I’m eating a tuna fish sandwich. The tuna, at least, is wild caught and “dolphin safe,” which probably means something to do with the netting, but I’m picturing dolphins swimming alongside the tuna being caught, nodding and being like, “this is cool with us.”
Old me would have scoffed at the “wild caught” label and new me kind of does too.
I’ve been feeling weaker physically, and craving meat, just a little, for the first time in five years, and I decided maybe it’s okay for me to eat fish (maybe chicken down the road, but for now I guess I’m a “pescatarian”) occasionally. This mostly means tuna, because I think most seafood is gross. I also decided that I’ll probably go to vegetarian hell for this.
I remember my Environment & Society professor, the one who got me to quit meat in my sophomore year of college, telling our class about how vegetarians lose the ability to digest meat, so I’ve been worried about whether or not I’m going to throw up, and I’m really inexplicably afraid of throwing up. Here are the things I Googled to research this issue:
- “am I going to throw up” (this was a panic search, admittedly far too broad/existential)
- “can vegetarians digest tuna” (results: YOU CAN’T CALL YOURSELF A VEGETARIAN YOU IDIOT)
- “does eating fish after a few years make you sick” (results: you will puke for literally days and days and some of your organs might even come up.)
- “doctors on eating meat after being vegetarian” (results: we’re not really doctors but we say we are and YOU WILL DIE. also, it seems doctors have other things to worry about?)
I am 3/4 of the way through my sandwich (which is good by the way, goddammit) and so far, so good. Can I keep you updated on my digestive system? I feel like that’s something you’re gonna want to know about. Three hours from now you’ll be wondering, did Katie puke or what? I will let you know.
ETA: I started choking a little bit because I swallowed some water the wrong way and my very sassy roommate asked “The tuna?????” I gave her a dirty look, which is sort of hard to do when you’re choking, but not impossible.
I only thought so just briefly, that first time, but I filled in these DIY children’s books when I was little and my mom says she always figured I’d end up writing.
5. A fashion designer.
This one lasted longest. When I was 12 or 13 I submitted some teen girl clothing designs to Dayton’s, back when it was still Dayton’s, for this contest they were having. I won, and I got $250 to shop there as well as a trip to visit the offices of their in-store clothing brand (I think it was called Oxford & Fullham? So British!) to see how fashion design works. They picked my mom and I up in a town car. The girl I shadowed was a buyer and was so pretty. They asked me my opinion on some fabric swatches, we had lunch, and that was that. It was the best day. The next summer I took fashion design classes for kids and I was, by far, the worst in the class. The least inventive, anyway. My mom kept telling me I had to learn how to sew if I wanted to work in fashion. I never wanted to learn how to sew. I still don’t.
6. A painter/artist.
This one ended when my eighth-grade art teacher told me that I was “not creative.”
7. A movie trailer producer.
Is there a person who has this job? Is it anyone’s job to just take a movie and create a perfect trailer from it, music and everything? I want that to be my job still. In 10th grade, for Honors English, we had to create a media project out of a book we read, and I mapped out a movie trailer for The Hobbit and it was the best goddamn thing you’ve ever seen. I still get goosebumps just thinking about it. I described the music I’d use like this: “Loud, urgent drum beats. Rising orchestra. REALLY DRAMATIC.” Peter Jackson: your move, buddy!
8. A Spanish teacher.
Spanish in high school was perfect and easy and I didn’t know what else to want. It was fun to be in Spanish then. We had this wonderful textbook so hell-bent on diversity that they based all the exercises off this group of kids that featured: a white kid, a black kid, a Hispanic kid, an Asian kid, an Eskimo kid, a kid in a wheelchair, and also A KID WITH A HOOK FOR A HAND.
9. A politician, or something.
That’s what you say you want to be when you just really love politics and study Political Science but don’t plan on getting your PhD, right? And what you say you want to be when you decide to go back to graduate school after all to get your master’s degree because you love being a student, only it turns out that everyone in your program pretty much hates politics and want to work in non-profits or government agencies because politics is CORRUPT, and when you tell a cute dumb boy that maybe you want to be a senator because there aren’t enough women in politics, he looks disgusted and asks you, “But could you really play that game?” and you go home annoyed? What do you start telling people you want to be after you’ve been forced to take a few economics classes and hated it so deeply that you know you could never have a job where you’re forced to think about money and budgets and who gets what and why can’t we all just make this work, together?
10. A writer.
It came back all of a sudden and was/is crazy and now sometimes I find myself working on something and having so much fun that I want to tell everybody, but usually this happens when I’m alone working so I take one lap around the house and find something chocolate-y to eat and then I sit back down again. Sometimes I hug my laptop.
Last night I went out to dinner with my bestie Emily and we were worrying about the end of the world, because although neither of us are really superstitious, we both actually are. Emily asked our dumb waiter (he was really dumb), “So, what’s the deal with the Mayan calendar in 2012, do you think?” And he nodded and squinted and said “Yeah. December 21st is when it ends probably.” And then I worried that our dumb waiter was actually just solemn and wise and ACTUALLY KNEW that the world would end, and that’s why he didn’t see the point in anything like paying attention to what food people wanted, and then I got sad. But I just did some research and I feel more comfortable now believing that the world will continue, and at the most we will all undergo an amazing spiritual transformation on December 21st. Which would be nice, I suppose.
2011 was so nice. My entire life switched courses and it has been brilliant. So I hope there’s more, especially because I really need to have at least one more Christmas and one more (real) season of snow and one more NYE that I spend hoping that there’s still much more left to do. I would be pissed to be zapped off the earth without that.