Today is my first day at my parents’ for holiday break and so far I have:
1. Gotten lunch with my mom, and saw a kid from my high school at the restaurant, and thought maybe he’s gotten kind of hot, but that could’ve just been because he was handing me a sandwich.
2. Went nail polish shopping with my mom, because when her and I are together we always have to go to Ulta and buy pretty things. We had 20% off coupons - hers worked on the whole purchase and mine didn’t. I realized in the car. “Just go back in,” she said. “I will wait here, you need to get that 20% off. GO BACK IN, I’m serious.”
3. Listened to my mother’s feelings on Selena Gomez. (“I like her voice, if not always her actual taste in music.”)
4. Felt guilty about underage drinking. (Mom: “You kids can have Bailey’s on Christmas morning if you want.” Me: “Dan is underage.” Mom: “Oh please, you were drinking then too. You just lied about it.”)
5. Decorated Christmas cookies with my mom and brothers.
Youngest brother: “I’m going to marry Sarah, probably.” (That’s my mom’s bff’s daughter, who he’s never met.)
Me: “You should, she’s pretty.”
Brother: “Then you can marry Dad’s friend’s son, it’ll be perfect.”
Me: “Isn’t he, like, ten? He’s ten.”
Mom: “Noooo, he’s in college. He’s a freshman.”
Brother: “As long as it’s legal.”
Mom: “No, Katie will marry somebody ten years older than her.”
Me: “ARE YOU SAYING THAT BECAUSE I’M GETTING OLD?!?!?!”
6. Eaten dinner with my whole family for the first time in months (young brother goes to school in Montana, of all places.) Mom asks us, please, to say “please pass the ______” when we want things from other parts of the table. Me: “But we can reach everything we want.” Bigger younger brother: “We are an elite tall family, that is what you do.”
7. Went to buy the Christmas tree that my dad caved on, because me and my brothers turned on the charm/begging. There were only eight trees left at the place we go. Guess what, though? Ours is perfect.