My brother reads me our instant Netflix options.

J: True Grit is NOT a conspiracy movie. Oh wait I'm reading that wrong.
J: This one is about the incredible journey of a turtle. It's called Turtle: The Incredible Journey.
J: This one's about Kim Cattrall as a sad has-been softcore porn star.
J: This one's about a womanizer who wakes up to find his testicles are missing.
J: You can't cast Liev Schreiber in romantic comedies because he looks like he's going to kill both those women.

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Was just told by a ladymag editor that my pitch for their sordid stories column was TOO SORDID.

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That thing in movies where you scream so loud a flock of pigeons take flight.

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96 percent of the way through Fifty Shades of Grey

Honestly don’t know if I have it in me to...

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Best/Realest Tweets of the Week, 5/13-5/19/12

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Departures

Oh, lovelies. Lovely, lovely ones. I am going in-house at The Hairpin as Books...

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