Q. “Is it okay to ask a stranger to watch your laptop in a coffee shop? Otherwise, what should you do when you have to pee? And can you tell somebody NO if they ask you, because you’ve got better things to watch, like a Rihanna music video?”

A. “…Most people want to help each other out as long as it doesn’t take too much work, and what could be easier than occasionally shifting your eyeballs a few inches over to check on another person’s laptop? So no, you can’t say no if someone else asks you. I forbid that. If you are trying to get out of doing a literally effortless favor, you are a sociopath. Watch that stranger’s laptop because it is the easiest security you will ever provide. Pretend you’re a spy if you have to, I don’t care! And if he doesn’t come back after ten minutes, you get to keep it. No, I’m just kidding. You have to wait, but if he takes too long, you can make fun of him when he comes back, like, “Haha what were you DOING in there? Do you have bowel problems or something?? Haha!” Then either you two will become fast friends, or he’ll never bother you for a favor again and warn the other patrons to avoid you, too. Win win.”

My BuzzFeed column this week scolds you if you are a mean coffee shop-goer.


  1. katieheaney posted this