ENOCH: A BIGFOOT STORY, or, the book I should have written obviously

Customer review - D said: ”As I type the tears are streaming down my face. Thank you and please, thank Mike for me. He needs to know what he’s done for me. I am not alone. Someone else has been there, too. Someone else has felt their joy, sorrow and mirth as strongly as I have myself. Someone else has felt the deep sense of peace they somehow gift you with, should they decide they like you. I feel vindicated and cannot thank you both enough. I feel as if this book was written specifically for me.”

A farmer husband and wife in a town north of Stillwater, MN apparently saw a BIGFOOT while they were walking in the woods so they taped it on their iPhone and it’s AMAZING. Then this other guy, this Sasquatch EXPERT guy, put the tape together with all these other sighting videos and I just f-ing love EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

BIGFOOT LIVES IN MINNESOTA YOU GUYS

My friend Bri and I have a thing for Bigfoot.

I don’t remember how it started but somehow in college we got onto this Yeti/Bigfoot thing and every time we went to the library we couldn’t stop talking about him (them?). One Halloween we were even going to go as a paranormal investigator (me) and Yeti (her), but Bri’s grandma wasn’t cool with her fur coat being utilized in that way. 

Tonight when I called her (we have to talk on Mondays after Pretty Little Liars) we talked about life and stupid boys and I told her that she should move to Minnesota so that we can build a friendship collective. 

Bri: “Yeah and what we should do is HUNT FOR YETIS. You think I’m kidding.”

Katie: “Oh my God. Can we?? There are probably Bigfoots here.”

Bri: “We have to go out to Colorado, where my cousin is. She just camps and looks for Bigfoot. But there are bears. She’s gotten herself into some bad situations with bears.”

Katie: “HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT.”

Bri: “She has. They will just like, look into each other’s eyes. Fight or flight.”

Katie: “Well we’ll just find some around here. We can look.”

Bri: “Or smell! They’re supposed to smell so bad though. There’s literature on that.”

THERE IS LITERATURE ON THAT.

Anyway, watch this Bigfoot-related video because it is seriously the funniest goddamn thing I have EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE and I watch it every time I need to laugh. LOOK AT HIS DRAWING OF IT. 

The Essential Pocket Guide to Monster Survival, on The Hairpin

There are some really excellent pictures and links in here. You could spend your whole afternoon researching astral spiders and drop bears, it’s going to be great.