My new Hairpin piece, on texting!

This is all so very close to real. Unsuspecting texting population: you have been warned. 

I Have More Feelings About Text Messages

It will never stop, so long as phones keep texting and we don’t all just send our actual feelings through telephones. Mood-telephones. Could that be a thing???

Thanks, Glamour! Also, “imagined” conversations. Hahahahahahaha. Hahahaha never in a million years are any of those conversations…even remotely close…to real. No way. Normally, my friends and I get text messages and don’t even worry about them, we respond maybe like an hour or four later. No big deal. We literally never even care. We try to see who among us cares the least. “You seemed like you cared a little about how to respond to that guy.” “SHUT THE HELL UP.”

Thanks, Glamour!

Also, “imagined” conversations. Hahahahahahaha. Hahahaha never in a million years are any of those conversations…even remotely close…to real. No way. Normally, my friends and I get text messages and don’t even worry about them, we respond maybe like an hour or four later. No big deal. We literally never even care. We try to see who among us cares the least. “You seemed like you cared a little about how to respond to that guy.” “SHUT THE HELL UP.”

Like sexting, but much less successful.

You guyyyyyys. Things go badly, texting-wise. Newest “Reading Between The Texts” column up todayyy. 

Text and text and text and text and break up.

:( :( :( 

More texts. More heartache.

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