Remember in Harry Potter when everyone has to take turns wearing the Slytherin locket horcrux because it makes you think your worst thoughts and feel that nothing will ever be okay ever again? (And remember, too, in the movie version, how they made Ron imagine naked Harry & Hermione having sex while he was wearing the locket and you were like “YIKES, TOO SEXY/CREEPY FOR THIS YOUNG AUDIENCE AND ALSO ME WHO IS AN ADULT” ?)
Well, I was wearing an elastic headband because I was doing yoga in my hotbox apartment, and I was looking at the 5-day forecast, which is 97, 97, 96, 98, 95, and it was making me so depressed I essentially started crying because, isn’t this supposed to be MINNESOTA and what have we done to this planet etc. etc. And then I also thought about this show I went to last night and how I saw this very attractive man that I’ve seen out once before, and the time before we had lots of good eye contact and it was thrilling (I am easily pleased!), and then when I saw him AGAIN, last night, I somehow took several steps back and mostly just hid, because I am nothing if not consistently a goddamn coward. And then THAT made me almost cry AGAIN because, I don’t know, boys.
Then I took my headband off and felt at least 96% better immediately, at once, like I could feel the pressure (figurative AND literal) just evaporating.
Headbands are my Slytherin locket horcrux.