Q. “What’s the right way to deal with a Twitter typo?”
A. “First, you’re going to have to get your hands on a live bluebird. You could put a trap outside your window, but the chances that you’ll end up with mere pigeons are quite high. You should probably go to a pet store. Buy one bluebird and DON’T act suspicious about what you’re going to do with it. Look the store clerk in the eye, unblinkingly, and say, “This will be my pet bird, Alfred. I will love him until his dying song.” That way the clerk will know you’re normal.
When you get home, put the bird in a small cage made of birch twigs (it has to be birch). Speak the corrected version of your tweet aloud to the bird, spelling each word after pronouncing it. Finally, pack yourself some rations and head for the forest. You’ll be looking for a deserted clearing with a marble altar in the middle. Finding marble altars in nature can take up to two days, so you’ll want to be prepared. When you find it, set the birdcage on top and take out a large knife from your knapsack. Use it to cut yourself some apple slices — give one to the bird. Sit still on the altar and ponder your existence.
Isn’t it pretty weird that you went to all this trouble to correct a typo? Technically I’m not even sure that that bird will know how to get into your Twitter account.”
- I don’t know. More of my FWD column here.